Five Sex Tips for Maximum Pleasure

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It seems as though everybody you read seems to have sex tips these days, well, I am no different. Let me give you some of my tips that should definitely spice up you sex life. I have found that there are many ways to have good sex, here are five of my favorite.

1. Different Places— Have you’ve heard of steak in the grass, well, how about sex in the grass? Yup, having sex in a secluded place in a wooded area is great for enhancing that little extra spark. Feel the grass flow around your body and I guarantee you that the sparks will fly. Now, it doesn’t have to be in the grass, that was just a suggestion. The point is, have it someplace other than the usual place you have it; you will thank me later, really.

2. Keep Your Panties on—Ohhhh yeah; there is nothing more exciting than to have your partner start feeling you on the outside of your panties first, the feeling is phenomenal. Then when he/she moves to the underside, Oh Mamma, come and get me, I’m yours.

3. A Nice Massage First—This is an age old secret but believe me, it works. Nothing better than getting a nice soothing and relaxing rub with some perfumed oils to really get those hormones jiving. This is an old Tantric form of sex that has been used and appreciated through-out the ages so why knock it, try it.

4. Watching Each other Touch Yourselves—This one is a must for unbelievable sex. Both men and women enjoy watching the other feel their own bodies. OK, sometimes this may take a little getting used to but once you start, there is no going back. Watching each other is extremely sexy and will really rev both of you up.

5. Take it Slow—This one is a must, foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Touch each other with a slow hand all over your bodies. Try feeling softly behind his/her ears, the underside of his/her arms and legs, feel the feet, take all the time in the world. I guarantee you, the by doing this, you will drive him/her into a frenzy and all the rest will be just pure candy.

There are many, many more but these are my favorites. Try them out and enjoy some of the best sex you’ve ever had.

 

 

 

What Makes Us Sexy?

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In today’s society, pretty much everything is driven by sex. Think about it, clothing styles, marketing, cars, and even certain kinds of food are considered sexy to eat. Society demands us to be sexy also, so, what exactly is sexy, and what makes us that way?

Is it the way we look, or, how we dress that gives us this air of sexiness? Is it the perfume we wear or the cologne? Yes, yes, and yes, but, only to some degree. There are women and men out there who have none of these things and are still considered very sexy.

Take Keith Richards from the Rolling Stones for example, physically attractive—ahhh, no, yet women go gah gah over him at every concert he does. Even today, at seventy one years old, he is still receiving panties during his concerts, although, they are usually Depends now.

How about Angelica Houston, or Barbara Streisand, both are average looking women, yet, they still are considered to be sexy as Hell. So, what is it that gives us that air of sexiness, two words, self-confidence? Sure, it doesn’t hurt to look like Fabio or Amy Adams; or have the millions of dollars of others, but, when it comes down to it, it’s the self-confidence within us, and how we use that confidence which creates that sexy image.

Can anyone be sexy, sure, but you have to own that feeling and believe in it. If you think you’re sexy, you feel sexy, when you feel sexy, you become sexy. It’s a process, but the more you work at it, the more it will become a reality. Think it, feel it, and become it.

 

How to Write a Funny Last Will and Testament

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My mind works in mysterious ways. I got to thinking, what happens if I die, I’m going to need a will. Normally I wouldn’t be thinking about dying, but, I was eating a chicken bone for dinner, and it went down the wrong pipe. Actually, I didn’t know we had pipes but, that’s what everybody says when they start coughing, turning red, and praying like crazy hoping that there is a God.

Where was I now, oh yeah, choking. So here I am choking, and finally, after praying to every deity I could think of, (Is Holy Cow a deity), I stopped. The thing is, my mind saw my life flashing in front of me and I thought, hey, I need a will.
Not having the money to retain an attorney, or ask for Perry Mason, (I think he’s retired), I decided to write one myself. The next day I was off from work, I humped my little old self down to Office Max and obtained the necessary pre-typed form. They are really pretty easy for anyone to fill out, if you’ve completed at least the 34th Grade in school.

So there I sit, filling in the blanks…I, (insert name, preferably your real name), being of sound mind and body, bla bla bla, do hereby testify that this is my last will and testament. Then I got to giggling because, this is my last will and testament, I mean how many will and testaments do they think I have anyway?

Well, at that point, I was in total giggle mode so I thought I would have some fun. I bequeath, (why can’t they just say give), to my daughter, everything I own, except my collection of Playgirls which goes to my horny sister. To my Aunt Edna, I give zippity doo dah, that’s what you get for always pinching my cheek when I was a kid. To my Uncle Ralph, I leave my condom collection, use it in good health.

You get the idea here; it just went on and on. I got a good laugh out of though. After I re-read it, I had to delete everything and start all over again. Hey, it was worth it, and the best part, it didn’t cost me a dime except to file it. I highly recommend you try it. Talk to you all later.

 

 

 

My Computer and Me–HELP

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If I were to ask you how much time during the day do you spend on either computers, IPads, Smart Phones, Dumb Phones, ( with smart technology of course), or other computer type products, what would your answer be?

Let’s see; 8 Billion people in the world, divided by the number of countries who have no cell towers or can’t afford satellites, minus the folks who just don’t give a damn, plus the techies in the world, that equals about—- a Lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My answer would have been better had I rounded it up to the nearest who gives a dam, but I figured for the Government of “Holy Gobblesmack”, I was close enough. Now, with everyone using this technology, how many of them are what you would call really (that’s the technical name), computer literate?

Of course by computer literate, I am talking about those of us who are technically able to do such things as, but not limited to:

• Turning the computer on and off
• Maybe adjusting the intensity
• Saving what we write so we don’t lose our entire blog by screwing up (Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• Yelling at it when it locks
• Knowing where to take it when it breaks

If you are able to accomplish these technological tasks, Congratulations, you are like most of us. Now, if you are able to do the advanced things, like the members of NASA, or the NSA, such as:

• Set margins
• Insert pictures into blogs along with music
• Put the computer to sleep, (oops, sorry, I meant in sleep mode)
• Wake it up without being cranky
• Actually find deleted documents or…
• Print in 3D or Technicolor ( OK, I just made that up)

Then, you are what I would consider a computer genius and I will be coming to you for help. I’m so un-computer knowledgeable, I’m still getting, “Did You Mean Bla, Bla, Bla” when I ask for something in the search column. I guess it just takes a while huh? Practice makes perfect I guess, well, back to the drawing board.

 

 

 

Common Mistakes Men Make in the Bedroom

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I’m going to address something that I feel needs to be talked about, why women don’t orgasm. I know, it’s the hush hush word that people don’t like to talk about, but I think it’s important to know the real story here.

 

If you think about it, and you probably haven’t, did you ever wonder why women seem to orgasm more readily while masturbating than with a partner? It’s because we know our own bodies. We know where to touch, and also how to touch ourselves in order for that wonderful flash bang sensation to happen.

 

One of the key mistakes guys make in the bedroom is that they think they know everything there is to know about sex, they don’t. Many times, guys get their sexual experience from books, other guys, and or porn films. Of course we all know how true to life they are right? Don’t assume, ask us, we know what feels good to our own bodies and unless we’re like ostriches and stick our heads in the sand, we’ll tell you.

 

Many times even when the guy is experienced, he still is unable to make his partner orgasm. The reason being of course is: News flash, we are all different. Ask us, we’ll tell you how fast to go and where to touch that sends us over the moon. There is nothing more frustrating than a Wham Bam thank you mam approach, be gentle.

 

Another thing that is very important to us is a term that is sometimes unheard of or forgotten about while making love…foreplay. We like it, so do it. Sure there are times when we just want you to enter us and “do your thing” so we can finish watching the tonight show, but those are few and far between. Kiss us with passion; hold your hands on our faces and slowly at first caress our lips, and then, stick your tongue down our throats and it will be OK.

 

 

Eternal Peace

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For the People on Board Flight MH370
Like many of you, I read the news today about the tragedy of flight MH370. My heart aches so, for their families and friends, and I needed to express myself in poem form regarding their departed loved ones.

 

 

Oh gentle souls, be not afraid of the darkness which has come to envelope you.

Your lives have enriched many of whom you’ve touched.

The love you have shared shall live on, and the good you have done shall be interred within your bones.

Join now with the Light, feel the peace of His hand, and be forever be one within His heart.

May God Bless and keep you in his love forever.

Amen.