I read a post earlier where the writer talks about dandruff and I said, “Hey, this might be a funny topic to write about.” I don’t claim to be a humorist, but, every once in a while I see something that I think is funny, and try to develop it into a humorous article. Below is my attempt.
Are you one of the 50% of people in the world suffering from the worst disease known to man? Of course I’m talking about dandruff, one of the cruelest diseases ever to afflict the Human Species. If you answered yes to this, then you my friend are one of the 50% of people who aren’t lying. The other half does have it, they’re just keeping their yaps shut in the hopes no one notices.
So what is this disease that is worse than scaly armpits? How do we get it, why do we get it, and most importantly, how the Hell do we get rid of it? Lucky for you folks, Dr. Jen, (Not really but I do like the sound of it), has all the answers.
Blizzarding of the scalp, (dandruff), occurs when several thousand irritated skin cells get together and decide to clump together. Once neatly clumped, they create many annoying things. These include dry scalp, redness, itching strong enough to create nuclear fusion, and of course snow falling from your head creating very small ski resorts for ants.
Is there a cure you ask? Luckily there is. Usually about now, a Head and Shoulders commercial would automatically appear out of nowhere promising that if you use their product, you will never have dandruff again. I am here to tell you that is not true. The only sure fire way to get rid of dandruff forever is as follows:
- Take a flame thrower (purchased at Wal-Mart for 39.99), light, and remove all hair.
- Have paramedics standing by to put out remaining flames
- Rub head with copious amounts of Vaseline
- Wait for the scars to heal
- Wear wigs for life
By doing the above things you will ensure healthy and care free hair for the rest of your life. If you have any further questions, please address them to my attorney as I am not allowed to answer any further questions. Thank you.