A Letter to my Booger



Dear Booger:

Why do you bother my nose so? What have I done to have you wreak havoc in my nasal cavity? Every morning I wake up, only to discover that you have conspired; that’s right I said conspired, with my mucus glands to drip, drip, drip, until my nose becomes filled with your slimy gook.

I try to be politically correct and gently coerce you out with a hankie, but, sometimes I just need a helping finger to get in there and just dig you out like a miner digs gold. The only difference is that your nuggets aren’t worth anything.

Hell, I even try to cover up this heinous act by getting in my car and driving.  I figure that way, people will be too busy with their own driving skills to notice what I am doing. I must admit, I am totally embarrassed when someone turns to see me engaged in such an unsanitary and disgusting act.

Here’s the thing, after I’m done digging you out, what the Hell do I do with you? I no longer have a tissue because I’ve already discarded it, and I can’t just wipe you on my seat, so what’s next? The only thing I can do is to try and flick you out my window.

Do you have any idea Mr. Booger how hard it is to try and flick you with just one hand? You get hundreds of dirty looks from other vehicle owners as they pass you. Some even verbalize their feelings by saying such things as, “Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, that’s disgusting, or, why don’t you just use your sleeve moron.”

All I can say is, it would be a lot easier if you just left me alone. It seems no one likes you and that includes me. Thank you for your time.

Disgustingly gross yours,






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