How to Write a Funny Last Will and Testament

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My mind works in mysterious ways. I got to thinking, what happens if I die, I’m going to need a will. Normally I wouldn’t be thinking about dying, but, I was eating a chicken bone for dinner, and it went down the wrong pipe. Actually, I didn’t know we had pipes but, that’s what everybody says when they start coughing, turning red, and praying like crazy hoping that there is a God.

Where was I now, oh yeah, choking. So here I am choking, and finally, after praying to every deity I could think of, (Is Holy Cow a deity), I stopped. The thing is, my mind saw my life flashing in front of me and I thought, hey, I need a will.
Not having the money to retain an attorney, or ask for Perry Mason, (I think he’s retired), I decided to write one myself. The next day I was off from work, I humped my little old self down to Office Max and obtained the necessary pre-typed form. They are really pretty easy for anyone to fill out, if you’ve completed at least the 34th Grade in school.

So there I sit, filling in the blanks…I, (insert name, preferably your real name), being of sound mind and body, bla bla bla, do hereby testify that this is my last will and testament. Then I got to giggling because, this is my last will and testament, I mean how many will and testaments do they think I have anyway?

Well, at that point, I was in total giggle mode so I thought I would have some fun. I bequeath, (why can’t they just say give), to my daughter, everything I own, except my collection of Playgirls which goes to my horny sister. To my Aunt Edna, I give zippity doo dah, that’s what you get for always pinching my cheek when I was a kid. To my Uncle Ralph, I leave my condom collection, use it in good health.

You get the idea here; it just went on and on. I got a good laugh out of though. After I re-read it, I had to delete everything and start all over again. Hey, it was worth it, and the best part, it didn’t cost me a dime except to file it. I highly recommend you try it. Talk to you all later.

 

 

 

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